About 2 years ago, before I ventured into life-coaching, I was unfamiliar with what coaching was all about. I mean isn’t it like counselling or going to see a psychologist?!

I even thought I’d do a counselling course to add to my life-coaching course, as a way of enhancing it but then I discovered it’s quite the opposite.

 

What’s the difference?

Counselling focuses more on the hurt/problem at hand, sourcing the root and understanding your feelings around it.

Coaching acknowledges where you are at in your current stage of life, but is forward focused to get you where you want to be. IE: solution-focused It allows you to grow and think in new ways than before. And the exciting part is that you get to come up with your own insights, which is incredibly important to get you to where you want to be.

Great article here on “What is Life-Coaching” : https://www.quora.com/pinned/Life-Coaching

New thinking creates new networks in your brain which brings about life-changing transformation and forms the foundation of neuroscience. For more info on neuroscience click here https://coachfederation.org/blog/index.php/4452/

 

Have you ever felt this way?

I have struggled with insecurity, self-defeat, low self-confidence, self-loathing, poor body image and negative thinking. These issues caused me to get stuck, anxious and depressed.

If you are saying YES, I’m sure you have viewed these struggles as mountains and the climb seems unbearable and frightening. You would probably feel more comfortable setting up camp along the mountain pathway to avoid the pain and effort that it takes to get to the top.

I have been there SO many times and it’s exhausting! So technically ‘setting up camp’ is more painful than moving forward.

 

Helpful life-tools

In the last few weeks of the life coaching course I completed, it hit me like a massive AAHAA. I got it, I understood. I have TOOLS. I’m sure you are wondering what tools?

Tools that help you get moving forward, thinking differently, tools that generate life-changing insights, which propel you forward in passion for future progress and freedom! Wow! Now that’s a mouthful. Read it again for full effect.

Currently I’m struggling with a bit of loneliness and rejection. I’m still single and most of my friends are in relationships and getting married. It seems things have shifted and my season looks different as a single lady.

Let me give you a brief coaching thought pattern I had the other day.

 

A little bit of self-coaching(which I hope you might find useful when you are in a similar mind-space)

1.So I’ve looked at where I am : Lonely.
Feeling like I’m forgotten, and if I were to skip the country who would worry. I know it may sound a bit extreme and me having a pity party, but we all have these thoughts from time to time.
2.Then to re-frame this thinking: I’m seeing a crisis rather than opportunity.
Always find the opportunity (Light bulb on)
3.The next question is – where do I want to be?
I want fun-loving people around me. I want to feel happy in this season of singleness. I want adventure and joy.
4.How do I get there?
Getting connected with single friends and plugging into community (joining a home group at church). Being open to meeting new people. Trying something new (surf-ski paddling). STEPPING OUT OF THE COMFORT ZONE.
I feel that following these ACTION steps(whether a daily or monthly step) are achievable and the progress will form part of my sweet journey.

 

Jesus the ultimate Life Coach

The piercing thorn of rejection hit me a few days ago and I actually felt so low. It was in the early hours of the morning when I headed to the bathroom that it really hit me. As I felt this awful feeling this verse came into my mind. “For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind” 2 Timothy 1:7 so for some time after, I was trying to decipher what this verse meant for me in this moment. So the way I understood it is that rejection gives rise to the fear of abandonment and loneliness. But where does fear come from? Fear is not of God and not from God.

God’s spirit gives us Power and in that power we find strength, strength to persevere through the hard hits. Through this power God gives us He also surrounds us with love and encourages us to be BRAVE. Time to take on God’s thinking and not my own!

I have started to tackle these issues and it’s a little scary, but I know I am not doing this on my own. Jesus is my friend throughout all. What a great comfort in knowing this.

I went to a ladies conference this year and one of the woman speakers spoke about her experience of hiking up Kilimanjaro and how absolutely gruelling and soul-refining it was. She mentioned the Sherpa’s, now these are people (generally men) who know the mountain incredibly well and guide hikers all the way to the top. They help carry backpacks and food supplies and do so with a smile on their faces. Towards the end of her hike she said she struggled so much and she eventually gave up her pride and asked one of the men to help carry her bag. Again another smile and the load was lifted off her. Grace and love was offered, and all we need to do is ask.

When we are climbing the mountains of insecurity, depression and in my case loneliness and feel the backpacks are getting too heavy, all we need to do is admit we cannot do it on our own, accept that we were never meant to and ask God for His comforting grace to make the load lighter. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matt 11 28-30

 

Coaching and community

God knows we need Him, but He also knows we need others. Others to lift us up in the struggles and to celebrate in the good. And this is where coaching comes in.

The thing I love about coaching is that meeting up with a coach means that you’re not alone, there is accountability and community (no-one really wants to battle life alone) and so much growth happens in the presence of others who support and encourage you. It’s important to remember we were made for community and that is where we truly blossom.

If you think of sports players and professionals, where would they be without a coach? Yes, they have natural talent and abilities to be good, but a coach helps them to be great. What about Michael Jordan having a bad day and thinking he cannot achieve his goal. Who stands in the gap to encourage and guide him to better thinking and training? A Coach.

I believe having a coach for your LIFE is just as important if not the most important, as it enhances all the aspects of who you are and what you do and it gives you the clarity and perspective to get through the tough times too. Think of a supporting wall in a building. Think of a coach.

Coaching opens your mind up to a new way of thinking and being and moves you forward to where you want to be, a more fulfilled individual with HUGE potential in your hand to be great at being YOU.

PS: An info-graphic based on coaching research and success.
http://www.lifecoachspotter.com/what-is-a-life-coach/#infographic

 

Yours in wholeness

Kirsty

Durban Life Coach

 

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